Spinal Fire Scientia Est Potentia

Ann Coulter Discovers Cure for Cancer!

“With the terrible earthquake and resulting tsunami that have devastated Japan, the only good news is that anyone exposed to excess radiation from the nuclear power plants is now probably much less likely to get cancer.”

With this stunning quote Coulter opens her stunning expose on the government’s attempt to limit its citizens access to this beneficial treatment. Her thesis surmises that the artificially low Government recommended daily intake of radiation is a liberal conspiracy to ensure that the “one-third of the population that will get cancer” will die, thus reducing the population and saving the earth from its cancer which is us.

Coulter’s genius solution is a boon for both cancer sufferers and earthquake/tsunami stricken Japan: Radiation Vacations!

Aid money could be set aside to create a world class resort at the site of the Fukishima Nuclear facility. The obvious success of such an endeavor would no doubt grow the area into a fashionable spa retreat locale, complete with upscale shopping destinations and world class irradiated dining. An airport could be placed nearby to help ease the congestion of all the cancer patients clamoring to get a hefty dose of the curative rays. In all this “disaster” could be the pill that heals the ailing Japanese economy!

Coulter reports that: “At the Free Enterprise Radon Health Mine in Boulder, people pay $5 to descend 85 feet into an old mining pit to be irradiated with more than 400 times the EPA-recommended level of radon. In the summer, 50 people a day visit the mine hoping for relief from chronic pain and autoimmune disorders.” If some guy is making $250 a day to lower people down into a smelly old dilapidated mine shaft just for the stuff, just think what cancer sufferers would pay to luxuriously bask in the therapeutic ion rays of the 6 Fukishima melted down nuclear reactors! The response would be astronomical! The beach front could be converted into a dolphin adventure zone where the healing powers would no doubt be exponentially enhanced due to the dolphin’s legendary sonic regenerative powers.

Another opportune side effect to the accident could be the sale of bottled irradiated Tokyo Yellow Rain Water, the proceeds of which could go to further fund the research of important Christian scientists such as Ann Coulter.

Alas…The Liberal media will no doubt keep this important research from reaching the light of day as “…Jenny McCarthy's vaccine theories get more press than Harvard physics professors' studies on the potential benefits of radiation. (And they say conservatives are anti-science!)”

Pish Posh! It has been far too long that we have heeded the advice of Jenny McCarthy over our lowly Harvard professors. I for one when asked if I would like a Nuclear reactor in my back yard will reply: “bring on the fallout!”

Works Cited:
Coulter, Ann (2011) “A Glowing Report on Radiation.”
(http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=42347)

ENS Newswire (2011) “Harmless? Chernobyl Radiation Killed Nearly One Million People” (http://www.prisonplanet.com/harmless-chernobyl-radiation-killed-nearly-o...)

Watson, Paul Joseph (2011) “Chernobyl-Style Yellow Rain Causes Panic In Japan”. (http://www.prisonplanet.com/chernobyl-style-yellow-rain-causes-panic-in-...)